Normal for Norfolk? Suffolk and Lincolnshire perhaps

EDP/James Bass

In Suffolk they just throw hundreds of ducks in the river for fun, thankfully they are of the plastic variety.

Over in the Fens, however, the respect for wildlife, dead or alive, can be somewhat more unusual.

'£200 fine for man who defecated on dead hedgehog'

Headline of the year so far.

Thankfully the image is unrelated to the main story.

In Norfolk? Well, watch this space...

Normal for Norfolk, Devon visitors too it seems

Amongst a stolen broken washing machine and a man returning money he had stolen from a Ex-Serviceman's Club, Sheringham police report that someone telephoned them to say they thought Sammy The Sea Serpent, the inflatable mascot for the 2011 carnival, was 'suspicious'. A slippery suspect surely.

EDP

Serpents may well be unusual sea sightings, but the man who complained to the authorities because of crates of fish at a working harbour in Ilfracombe should be less surprised. Disgusted by the smell, the middle aged man also said the dead fish had distressed his children and that the fishermen should be more considerate of holiday makers. The man returned back to his hometown to feed his sprogs on fish fingers before the locals had a chance to lynch the Grockle.

BBC

Dandy Dancers and Insightful Interviews

Whilst international attention eyes the gladiators on Centre Court in SW19 and in the ring in Hamburg, Sheringham on the north Norfolk coast saw a dance-off between 32 morris dancing teams from around Britain. There were various styles of dress from the colourful, flower strewn, camp handkerchief waving to the more sinister looking, blackened faces resembling those seen at Sweeps festival in Kent. Excellent EDP photo story.

William Kempe morris dancing from Norwich to London

Reporting techniques in provincial newspapers can be somewhat different to sensationalist tabloid titillating  storytelling. In a not at all funny tale where several people were seriously injured in a car accident,  Rebecca Gough in the EDP filed the following stunning insight:

'One woman said she had lived in her house on the A1066 High Road, for 22 years and had not seen a crash. "I didn’t hear anything, I hadn’t heard anything about it,”'

Not happy with this revelation, the point was driven home by another fascinating interview with a couple:

'“We didn’t see or hear anything but we don’t usually get accidents along here.”'

with the man adding that, although he hadn't actually seen another accident:

'“I think the only fatality I’ve seen was a cat about three or four weeks ago which I saw at the edge of the road.”'

Regional Press Award heading to Norfolk for sure.

Birds Block Build, Demonic Dog & Dodgy Driving

EDP

A new North Walsham hospital is being delayed because of nesting birds. Despite the use of a tame hawk to discourage birds from establishing nests in early spring, blackbirds and dunnocks have decided to raise their families in trees that need to be felled for building to commence. Experts say that the birds may not leave until September and the planning permission won't allow for the lumberjacks to start their work until the birds depart.

EDP

Bob the demonic dog from Downham Market needs a new home. Caveat emptor, however, as behind that smiling face is a cantankerous canine who could be accurately twinned with Bulgakov's cat Behemoth. After ten years pig farmer Tem Sosa has had enough: 

“He looks older than his years, has wonky teeth, bad breath and a bad attitude. He is terrified of cats, snaps at horses’ heels and nips pigs. He should not be left unsupervised indoors as he steals food off the side, licks the cooker and pees at terrier height so as not to get the blame”.

BBC

Dangerous driving in Dereham this week when an older than average driver mistook the accelerator for the brake and mounted a Swedish model in Homebase's car park. The Saab was unoccupied, the female of the French fourwheeler found in flagrante was shaken but not stirred.

Stop Taking the Peas, Pinched Pony Poo and Phony Potato PC

Well, not strictly all NFN but typical East Anglian headline news.

After the bad news earlier this year that Bird's Eye were to stop buying from the Anglian Pea Growers, the good news this week is that the 15,000 tonnes are to be bought and processed by Ardo in Lowestoft before being packed in Kent.

'Where there's muck there's brass' goes the saying, well it's true if you steal the trailer transporting the manure too. 'Where there's poo there's a pun' is a journalist's motto, and the EDP doesn't disappoint with 'Thieves in Dersingham have dung a runner'. Classic.

Buyer beware, or caveat emptor for the educated amongst you, should be heeded especially when buying a mobile computer from a mysterious merchant coercing monies in the main marketplace. You might say the couple who forked out £650 for a laptop, from a stranger in the street, and got a sack of spuds were a little unwise. No need to have a chip on the shoulder over any police roasting. Sorry for the puns, I'll get my jacket.

Bald Bandit Barbers Break-in

Never wanting to condone crime, a crafty convict confiscates cosmetics in a comical custom.

John Steven Gurney

Naughty Norwich nicking in a Normal For Norfolk nature.

Well I never...

...Council Tax Benefit and Mortgage Relief take on a new meaning:

'Norfolk county council said it did not believe it had funded any visits to sex workers, but Di Croot, assistant team manager for learning disabilities in North Norfolk said such requests would be looked on "favourably" with staff encouraged to be "as free thinking as possible" about how to ensure all the needs of clients were met.'

More here.

Fire Fighter's Daring Deer Rail Rescue Plans Prevented

Some more Normal For Norfolk news.

Following last months daring rescues,  Norfolk fire fighters were asked to come to the aid of a deer in distress today but, alas, the ruminant had already released itself.

Norse Woods Log Homes

What will they be asked to free next? I feel a theme emerging here. That dog is a good carving, isn't it.

Road Kill Cremation Rates

Road Kill Toys

News today that West Norfolk Council spends £18,000 a year cremating animals flattened on its roads in the name of 'public health'. 

Perhaps a better use could be 'art' or the slightly more traditional dinner plate ending as served at The RoadKill Cafe in Alabama, their slogan is 'You Kill'em and we Grill'em!'. Or you could fill the freezer like Arthur Boyt, but spare a thought for his long suffering vegetarian wife.

Hedgehog is the most plentiful, their road skills are particularly bad, but their anatomy means they are often difficult to butcher when flattened. The Peoples Trust for Endangered Species conducts annual countrywide surveys that can help you know what deceased fauna you might find and where. An excellent larder service with an easy to use identification guide.

So the North and East look like the best hedgehog hunting haunts. 
But back to West Norfolk Council, will they be picking up bear shit from the woods next?

Its a strange world...

... when a man, over paid because he can kick a ball around, who is betrothed to a lingerie model, even though he resembles a stick insect, still can't keep it in his shorts and feels the need to pay for sex. The same inability to count one's blessings could be said about our local 'celebrity' who achieved every working man's dream of winning the lottery. King of chavs lotto lout Michael Carroll has finally sold his Swaffham pile as part of his bankruptcy, announced on 18th February this year, after blowing all the £9,736,131 National Lottery win of November 2002. 

Before Carroll

After Carroll

The house is a mess, as you can see, and has been snapped up for £142,000. That is £200,00 less than he paid for it and doesn't allow for the estimated £400,000 spent extending it and fitting an indoor swimming pool. Michael recently applied to get his old bin-man job back and says he is now much happier. 

Money doesn't buy happiness, it seems.

Normal For Suffolk

How embarrassing. Grown man needed to be rescued from a tree. 'Possibly drunk'. Well you'd pretend to be anyway, wouldn't you.

County Centre Crime Communication

Norfolk is statistically a very safe place to live but I was alarmed at news I was emailed today from Swaffham police:

Serious crime is, thankfully, quite rare with antisocial behaviour and petty theft being most common nearby. Norfolk crime has decreased in recent times but to check more locally you can use this interactive map. Without wishing to tempt fate, around here the last three months has seen an average increase in crime of 36.4% from 3.7 to 5 crimes monthly!

Dog, bird, sheep

I know it is the summer holidays, and news is in short supply, but today has been a splendid Normal For Norfolk day.

Click Wikipedia images

Normal For Norfolk 3

Sadly, this Holkham Gap NFN moment has disappeared with a revamp of the fencing towards Holkham Bay from the Hall's Lady Anne Drive.

But wait, we can always rely on those crazy foreigners to keep the signage laughter coming. We are laughing with them and not at them, right?

Normal for Norfolk 2

My spies have informed me that there is an organisation already encouraging more outsiders. Come on, if we band together we can stop World Class. Normal for Norfolk!

Thanks to agent Leila for the intelligence, no I don't think she is the one eyed mutant from Futurama.

Is it wrong to fancy a cartoon character?

Normal for Norfolk

Insult or endearing acronymic idiom of our isolated idyll, NFN certainly doesn't sum up a whole county. Heads up then to bf1systems of Diss who, along with doing clever stuff for Formula 1 teams, now make a bespoke bicycle sold at Harrods with a price tag in the region of £25K!

Also, local employer STG Aerospace, an ever expanding Swaffham based firm, produce photoluminescent materials used to guide us to safety during aircraft electrical failure. Just goes to show there are brains in Norfolk outside the Big Canary City. But don't shout too loud, wouldn't want to start a stampede of businesses wanting talented staff who would like to live near stunning countryside like this. Shush, don't mention the stinging easterly wind or the mini icebergs in the sea!